JOY.....warning: very long and takes awhile to get to the point:)

Today I would like to blog about joy! I will be honest, January is always a gloomy month. I tend to set unrealistic goals and then forget about them and give up on them. Also, it is the longest month of the year and we had a lot of inside recess days in the first grade. Needless to say, I very much welcome the month of love, February! I always look forward to the first Thursday of each month because I get to go to my "adoptive moms" class, which I enjoy. Today was even awesomer because I got to go shopping with Kae and eat dinner with Natalie beforehand. We got to class alive, which was a miracle. The class was very informative, and made me think about birth mom's from a whole new perspective...which I have been working on lately.
My friend Natalie brought up something that I used to think about a TON when Dan and I first stumbled down this road of adoption. This gloomy month of January I have somehow forgotten about it, but it is so real! She spoke about the Atonement of Jesus Christ. The Healing part. The part that makes me and you whole. The part that takes away my insecurities and makes them strengths. Because I like list's so much, I am going to make a list of what I learned while I was driving home from my class tonight.

1. The Atonement of Jesus Christ is very real.
2. The Atonement of Jesus Christ can heal my heart. I have to let Him. I have to ask.
3. Christ has NEVER deserted me in this process....I may have deserted him.
4. He is always there.
5. Just because I know all of these things does not mean that I have to be happy 100% of the time. I used to think that I had to have a smile on my face and a happy word to say to everyone, all the time...It really is ok to be sad. It's ok to have feelings! The Atonement is not a "I take away all of your problems" gift. It is a "I will help you through this" gift. I am actually embarrassed to say this, but for some reason, I thought that I was just entitled to whatever I wanted, just because I asked for it. This is not the case. We are here to learn and grow. Our hearts will get broken...lots of times! This is where the Healing comes in.
5. I was reassured of my original feelings about our birth mom...whoever she is, wherever she is, she is very special, and I already love her so much!
I am sorry if this post was a little personal to you! I just really felt the need to share my testimony with the world.
blessings today: being able to laugh with 25 first graders. yummy spaghetti for lunch. the sun was shining. the 25 first graders got to go outside for recess! actually got some work done after school. got two awesome shirts for 5$ each with my bff Kae. got to eat dinner with Natalie. got to go to my adoptive mom's gathering. remembered Heavenly Father's love for me. remembered the Power of the Atonement.
Yes, it has been a very joyful day!
love,
Emily