Thursday, November 1, 2012

just a little vent with a happy ending

hi friends,

bare with me while i vent for a little while
question...do you ever bite off more than you can chew? do you ever fill up your whole day, week, month or year with so many things that you really don't even have time or energy for the important things? i kind of have been feeling that way as of late. when daniel and i started discussing the possibility of him going back to school and me going back to work i did not have any clue of just how time consuming and difficult it would be. i thought, i will just apply at a couple places, go to some interviews and take it from there. then i went to an interview and just loved the principle..then i got offered a job and heard myself saying that yes, i would love to get my ESL Endorsement ..what was i thinking? then i realized that i would be working for an "improvement school"and that a majority of my students would be below level. *the exact opposite of what i was used to teaching* then the school year started and i realized just how much i would need to be giving to this new job.  i wonder.....is dan ever going to finish? are we going to be "students" forever? is it going to be worth it in the end? are we ever going to feel ready to adopt again? are we ever going to have enough $ to adopt again? is sophie going to be an only child? why do we do these crazy things?why isnt Nov. 1st a National holiday????please someone, tell me the answer to that!  why did i become a teacher? am i ever going to be able to give my students what they need to succeed? am i ever going to be able to balance being a good teacher, and a good wife and mom?  because it often seems that when i am good at one of those things, the other one suffers. oh the balancing act of the working mom:) sometimes, when i am stressed i start to feel irritable and when i feel irritable i really dont feel like praying or reading in my scriptures and then i find myself just like the nephites of old...pulling away from heavenly father and building up pride and anger in my heart. why? why do i pull away at the times that i need Him the very most? does anyone else do this? after having a minor melt down today at work after the kids left) i realized that once again, i need to turn my life to Him through scripture study and prayer.
and.....after a very long and somewhat depressing week, i quickly wrote up sub plans for Friday and called a sub! i have resolved to do no house work or school work! just kiss, play, laugh and nap with sophie! i have a feeling that tomorrow is going to be a great day!


3 comments:

  1. Wow, Em. That sounds so stressful! I'm glad that you're taking a day off. I feel like just taking a break from the normal grind helps re-focus everything and give you the strength to continue on with new energy. And I totally do the same thing--sometimes I wonder why I've been so grumpy (especially at my undeserving children) and realize that I haven't aligned my priorities properly and need to take time for more spiritual things in life. Good luck!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Emily, You are so missed in Brigham but... You are doing a great work. with your baby with your husband with your students. Taking a sanity day to get into perspective is always a good day in my eyes. Wish you the best of luck (so glad to find your blog linked to someone I was linked with) Kappy

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm glad you took time for yourself and Sophie- sometimes that's all that you need, but if not- I really hope you find a balance that works for you and makes you and that little cutie happy!

    ReplyDelete